Virginia Custody Mediation — What Kinship Caregivers Should Know

Virginia law provides for parent education and mediation in custody cases, but these are separate processes. If you are a grandparent or relative filing for nonparent custody, knowing which requirement applies — and what it involves — can save you time and anxiety.

When Mediation Is Required

Virginia does not require every custody case to complete further mediation. In any appropriate case, § 20-124.4 directs the court to refer parents or persons with a legitimate interest to a no-cost orientation session with a certified mediator; further mediation occurs only as the parties agree. Separately, § 20-103 requires parties in contested custody, visitation, or support cases to show that they attended an approved educational seminar within the 12 months before their court appearance or will attend within 45 days afterward. The court may require the seminar in an uncontested case only for good cause. Some localities, including parts of Northern Virginia and the Richmond area, order parties to attend a parent education seminar or court-sponsored mediation before the case goes to a hearing.

Your local JDR Court or Court Services Unit can tell you whether the court has referred your case to an orientation session and how it will be scheduled.

What Happens in Mediation

Mediation is a structured conversation between the parties, facilitated by a neutral mediator certified under guidelines promulgated by Virginia's Judicial Council. The mediator does not decide anything. Their job is to help the parties reach a voluntary agreement.

In a nonparent custody case, mediation usually focuses on:

• Whether the parent and the relative caregiver can agree on a custody arrangement
• Visitation schedules for the parent
• Decision-making authority for school and medical matters
• A timeline or conditions for any future change in custody

If you reach an agreement, the mediator drafts the terms and the judge can enter it as a consent order. If you cannot agree, the case proceeds to trial.

Mediation Is Voluntary in Substance

Even where the court refers parties to an orientation session, they are not required to agree to further mediation or to settle. If the parent's proposal does not protect the child, you can decline it and take the case to a hearing.

This is an important distinction. Some caregivers feel pressured to accept a bad deal in mediation to avoid a trial. You are never obligated to settle.

When Mediation Does Not Work

Mediation assumes good faith on both sides. It is less effective — and sometimes inappropriate — when:

• There is a history of domestic violence between the parties
• A parent is actively using substances and is not engaged in treatment
• One party refuses to participate honestly
• The power imbalance between the parties is too great

When deciding whether a referral is appropriate, the court must determine upon a party's motion whether there is a history of family abuse. If you have safety concerns, raise them with the court or your attorney before any session.

Preparing for Your Session

If your court requires mediation, prepare the same way you would prepare for a hearing:

• Know what custody arrangement you are requesting and why
• Bring any documentation that supports the child's stability in your care (school records, medical records, a timeline of your caregiving)
• Think about what visitation schedule for the parent would be in the child's best interests
• Stay focused on the child's needs, not the parent's failures

What Comes Next

Whether mediation succeeds or the case goes to trial, the court process follows the same structure — forms, service, hearing, and order. Our Virginia Guardianship and Custody Court Process Guide covers the full path so you know what to expect at each stage.

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